5 Lessons I Learned in the Season of Singleness

Hey girlie! Let me tell you, I thought I would be married at 22 and having kids by 25. Well, I just turned 30 and neither of those things have happened yet as I write this blog post. Singleness has been a significant part of my life and God used it to teach me some valuable lessons that I want to share with you!

1. A Relationship Status is Not a Reflection of Worth or Value

Singleness does not equal less than, incomplete or unwanted. I searched after a relationship in hopes that a man would fulfill my longing for love and craving for intimacy. Yet, I was left disappointed when my expectations weren’t met or devastated when the relationship ended all together. I realized that no man and no relationship would ever satisfy my desire to be seen, known and loved. I don’t need a relationship with my soul-mate. I am in desperate need for a relationship with my soul-Creator.

2. Value of Quality Friends

I decided to intentionally invest in the relationships I did have in my life (even if that didn’t include a boyfriend). I encouraged my friends through texts and written notes. These soul-sisters were my lifeline during times when my hope was holding on by a small thread. They would speak truth in love, share words of encouragement and remind me I was chosen and loved by God. I’m so thankful for these amazing ladies and caring brother that stand by me through the highs and lows of life. Who celebrate with me during the joys and grieve with me during the pain.

3. Hope in the Lord- Trust His Plan, in His timing

Have you ever tried to make something work on your own strength and manipulate the variables to get the outcome you wanted? (I know I’m not the only one guilty of this)

I questioned, prayed and pleaded with God to bring me a husband. But He kindly reminded me of His great love for me. I would find peace in His presence and comfort in His creation, digging deep into scripture and clinging tightly to the truth revealed in the Bible. Here are some verses that renewed my hope, strengthened my courage and brought encouragement to my heart:

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord” Psalm 27:14

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“I’m waiting. I’m waiting on you Lord. I am hopeful. I’m waiting on you Lord. Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait” – excerpt from While I’m Waiting lyrics

We want to rely on our own knowledge. We can only see our current circumstance but God sees the whole picture in His infinite wisdom. Trust the Lord with ALL your heart- including your desire for intimacy, companionship and a relationship.

Girlie, hindsight is 20/20. I am so so so thankful that none of my previous relationships ever worked out. I would have missed the sweet treasure and significant blessing of having Blake in my life. I KNOW the waiting is hard and patience is challenging!! But let me just tell you that God has a purpose in His timing.

4. Learn Healthy Money Habits

Financial stress puts a big burden on relationships. Use this time in singleness to take control of your finances. Get an extra job and work like crazy to pay off debt (You won’t have a boyfriend complaining that you never spend time with them). Then start saving for an emergency fund. You can even begin investing for your retirement. Why not get a head start and save for a down payment on a house? See my previous blog post titled Financial Freedom for a little more on this subject. I understand that you want to go out with your friends and not sit at home every weekend. But spending time with friends doesn’t have to mean spending a lot of money. Get creative, which leads me to my next point.  

5. Have fun!!

This season in life is so special. Don’t throw it away. Don’t wish it away. Don’t waste it. Use this time to invest in your friendships, learn a hobby, travel, serve at your church and in your community. I love hiking with my friends (burning calories and catching up with my girls is the best kind of hang out!) I also love to host and entertain. Instead of spending money at a restaurant I would invite my girlsfriends over. Ask everyone to bring a side dish and it is even easier and cheaper! Maybe you are also competitive like me? Bring out a few board games and let the games begin. Movie night, karaoke, day at the spa. There are so many great ways to spend your time (and complaining about being single is not one of them).

Girlie, I understand that being single may not be your first choice right now. But I promise you that there is hope in waiting and beauty in patience. Embrace this time of singleness while God is doing a work in your heart.